Listen up, people of the sky. We. Need. To. Talk. Yep, those are four dreaded words that no one likes to hear. But, it's a reality plane people, we need to have a serious chat about your behavior. Now I know that you probably paid some serious cash for your ticket, or if you are anything like me, you have a tiny, albeit LARGE, fear of flying, or maybe this is your first time flying and you just don't know the rules (yes, there are unwritten rules of the sky) that we all need to learn to abide by. Okay, I'm just going to rip it off like a band-aid. A few stories about my biggest plane-peeves.
For the love of God, food. I know that being airborne just seems like an eternity spent on a desert island with no food or drink, which is why you all come prepared. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm all about the snacks. But people, could you do me a huge solid and leave behind the buffalo wings, or the 7am tuna salad sandwich? Both delicious eats, yes, but not in a confined space where I get to smell every bite, and watch you lick every tasty bite from the tips of your fingers. Please. Go with a granola bar. Or better yet, stuff your face before the flight.
But whatever you do, don't over your favorite foods, because there is nothing worse than someone who flies sick. Let me tell you a story...
I was flying to Memphis a few weeks ago. I was waiting with all the other Group 2ers to board, when a lady approached me and asked very casually what group they had called to board. When she realized that her Group had not yet boarded, she wiped her brow with relief. For she had had to run pretty far from her connecting flight. It was not until this universal move that I noticed her hospital bracelet. That's right. A hospital bracelet. She must have seen the worried look on my face, so she proceeded to enlighten me with her tale. Long story short, the cruise line she was vacationing on, found out about her illness, and left her in a Bahamian hospital, where they told her that possibly she had pneumonia and a collapsed lung, but they weren't too sure. At this point it could have been anything. So, instead of sticking around, she took the risk, and by risk, I mean she signed six release papers to fly back home to the U.S..
I'm not saying it's her fault. orI'm not sure I can even blame the woman a few days later that got sick mid-flight (and not in the bathroom). But someone, someone is at fault for this ridiculous cold that I have been battling for weeks now. Now I know that most people can't just cancel their flights, and traveling sick is sometimes an option. But how about a little Vitamin C, Airborne, Tylenol, anything!
Lastly let's talk attitude. Beautiful people of the sky. Okay hot dude of the sky. Okay, man who looks exactly like my literary fantasy (cough cough, James Fraser), just because you have the body of a Scottish God, and eyes that are the color of the ocean, does not give you the right to be a complete ass. To the stranger sitting directly behind me. We made eye contact. We smiled. We even shared a moment while I struggled placing my bag in the over head compartment. By the end of the flight, I thought we would be engaged. That is until you ruined it.
That's right, you perfect specimen. You were an ass to the crew. After a brief delay due to weather, we were second in line to take off, that is until the Captain came on and informed us that we had a mechanical issue and that we had to turn back. Internally, I was freaking out, hoping and praying we would de-plane and get on another. But, you would have never known, because I was playing it so cool. Casually glancing back your way to share a smile. Well, my prayers were answered, and we had to get off. And that's when you started your rant. LOUDLY.
"Sure. Let the crew off before the passengers. Oh and what a surprise, there goes the Captain. Gotta f**king love this."
At this point in time I am paraphrasing his little temper tantrum. But just know that he was totally obnoxious. The more he spoke up, the more I wanted to call our future wedding off. He just wasn't the man I thought he was. Moral of this story...no reason to be an ass. As someone who fears flying, I can recognize the need to feel in control of your travel plans. Learn to breathe, and hold it in, because the more you argue, or cause a scene, the chances are you are going to become that airlines next news story.
Traveling is a risky business, folks. Sometimes there are delays, and cancellations. Sometimes there are unforeseen issues. Sometimes flights are full of hungry people, or sick people, or beautiful, rude people. And sometimes I need to learn to take my own advice, and just roll with the punches, and accept the situation that I am in. But here's hoping that maybe in you reading this, you will take extra care in your surroundings as well. We all have to get somewhere, we all have plans, but let's treat our surroundings and each other with just a little respect, people.